iamwearingpants: (orange)
Today I feel very plugged in, and not in good ways. I've been poring over books and the internet and more books all day, and I just want to look someone in the eyes, to dance around at parties, to draw in crayon and take a lot of pictures, to have an I-You encounter instead of the I-It that this paper writing bullshit business seems to bring. (And yes, that business with the hyphens is from said paper writing business. I am forcing Martin Buber's philosophy on you AND not explaining it in full.) I was reading over some old livejournal posts from May and June of last year just now, and it made me sort of wish that I was still the person I was then, but not in the fucked up ways. I was a lot more idealistic then, I still thought I could save the world single handedly, I thought things were more beautiful than I do lately.

There's a paragraph writing itself in my head that I won't type in full about how people have brought out different things in me at different points in my life, and I want some of the ways I used to be and the people who used to make me them back. Yes, there is one person in particular, and it won't take you much to figure out who. I'm not typing it out loud, though.

I think I watch too much TV.

----------------------------

Wrote this last Wednesday: )
iamwearingpants: (orange)
Friday.
Five hour car ride with Caitlin and my dad, less awkward than I'd expected. Decoration of tree with Caitlin. Attempted dinner at Raging Burrito WHICH HAS CEASED TO EXIST; failure. Attempted dinner at California Rollin' MMM SUSHI; success. Java's, seeing Catherine and Allen completely coincidentally; beautiful. Left; promptly had a flat tire, promptly meaning before exiting the parking garage. (Sounds like a joke. How many lesbians does it take to change a tire? Find me a punchline, "two" isn't funny.) Home, snuggle, alarm clock set for too early, bed.

Saturday.
Wake up too early. Cookies in bed. Christmas presents and secrets. Jine's, banana bread french toast and eggs florentine. Airport. Her tickets were booked for...NOVEMBER 24. AWESOME. (Really!) Rescheduled flight departure: 8 am, Christmas morning. NO, but YES. Return to my house. Christmas shopping up and down Monroe and Park Ave. Christmas service at my church. Reading Christmas books. Wrapping presents. Bed.

Sunday.
Up even earlier. Der Flughafen by 6:30. Goodbye an hour later. Happy and sad and sad and happy and sad. (An absolutely breaktaking sunrise on the drive home.) And then the rest of Christmas. Have a merry one.

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iamwearingpants

November 2009

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